Our Thanksgiving holiday has gotten off to a great start. Two of our boys and their families as well a friend and his family have found their way home to visit. Our boys live so far from home (Florida, Tennessee, the Texas panhandle) that the few times we get to visit are truly treasured. While visiting with my daughter-in-law about baby behavior, I was reminded of an online discussion I participated in about teaching our children to behave in worship. I thought I would dig up my comment (from 2008) and share it with you today.
The question came from a mother of a 4 month old. As is normal at that age, the sweet little baby was beginning to find his voice and become more active so sitting still during worship was not one of his favorite things to do. She asked, “What advice do you have for training babies to sit quiet during worship.” I really admire moms who want to train their little ones to behave during worship but sometimes I think they try to raise perfect babies when the goal should be raising children who grow up to be adults who love and respect God as well as to love and respect others. Here was my response:
First of all, your fellow Christians don’t mind hearing a sweet baby making noises. There comes a point where it is disruptive but a little babbling baby talk is not going to be disruptive. The desire to train your baby to behave in worship is admirable. Don’t lose sight of the goal. Your goal is to raise your baby in such a way that he/she loves God and chooses to serve Him. Sometimes young moms get all wrapped up in the here and now and lose sight of the big picture. I have 6 and the older ones sit still, face the front, participate in the services and are very well behaved. This is all in spite of the fact that I allowed them to face the back, eat cheerios, play with quiet toys, and even let them down on the floor once in a while in the nursery. None of these things that seem to be such a taboo have hindered their ability to behave appropriately when they grew up. All along the way, as they reached a different level of maturity, they were taught what was now expected. They didn’t complain when one day I said, “no more snacks” or “you’re too big for toys”. They just accepted it and went on.
Last Sunday night all 5 of the ones still at home were sitting in various places in front of me. The 17, 15 and 12 year olds did not move the entire service. The 7 year old (who usually sits with me but sat with his 12 year old brother) sat still most of the time but couldn’t resist turning around during one of the songs. The 5 year old (who usually sits with me but begged to sit with his 17 year old brother just home from college) sat still a while, wiggled some, tried to get the attention of the teenage girl sitting on one side of him and finally turned around to look at me. I promptly gave him a serious look and put my finger to my lips to let him know I expected him to be quiet. He sat back and sat still the rest of the time.
As I watched this I thought about how each one of these boys have been through the same thing. They went through the baby days of being taken out almost every service. They went through the pre-school days of learning to sit and climbing in and out of my lap and always fidgeting. They went through the k-2 stage of being able to sit still for almost the entire service but not quite. And now the older ones behave like gentleman.
I say all this to remind you that the goal is not a perfectly behaved baby. The goal is a mature Christian who loves God and knows how to act respectfully. While the time does fly by, you don’t have to do all the training in the first year. God has blessed us with years to train our children. They will learn to behave appropriately by your instruction and example. Be patient and enjoy these wonderful baby years.
I usually have 4-5 boys sit with me during services. I try to bring a paper and pen for sermon notes so they can copy song numbers,etc. Did you ever let your little ones (2-3) color or use stickers,etc until a certain age? I’m trying to keep them all with me and behaving, because if they sit with their parents, video games and iphones pop out and mesmerize them.
I always had books, paper/pencils for my boys. When they were very young (2-3 years) I would even take snacks. I’m not one of those that expects adult behavior from children. I trained gradually and gently. We have a family that allows video games in services. I just don’t understand that at all. I tried having the younger one sit by me a few times. When he found out he wouldn’t be able to bring his GameBoy (or whatever gadget it was) with him, he opted to sit back with his family. Keep up the good working encouraging the boys you are around.
Diana, & Joanne, thank you for your comments! I don’t have children but I taught school for many years. Some people believe I’m a little too hard on children during services when they are sitting near me. I’ll try to be more patient while still trying to “teach” them how to sit & listen.
Good article! On target. But I do notice that we don’t credit our children with what they are really capable of doing, including sitting quietly during worship. As an aside, we parents “let go” of our older children too soon, allowing them to sit elsewhere unseen. Its almost as if parents are seemingly uncaring of their children’s behaviour. Like “my job is done…”
That’s a good point, Joanne. We insist our boys always sit in front of us — anywhere in the building as long as it is in front of us.