It’s Not All About You

Everyone has times when they need special attention or need things done for them out of the ordinary.  When it begins to be a habit, that’s when we say, “It’s not all about you.”  Believe it or not, teenage boys frequently think the world revolves around them.  Even with 5 brothers, learning to put others first has sometimes been a challenge for our boys.

I recall a particular event that this was an issue.  I won’t name names but “you know who you are”.  At the wedding of one son, his brother was anxious to get on to the next chapter of his life.  This next chapter started the day after his brother’s wedding.  Not being a parent, he was not aware of the emotional toll a wedding can be on mom and dad.  He didn’t quite understand why we couldn’t just jump from one event to another with ease.  He was told frequently on that wedding day, “Today, it’s not all about you. It’s your brother’s day.”   Fast forward a few years to this son’s wedding.  I overheard his daddy say to him, ‘Today, it’s all about you.’

There are times that we have to learn to take a back seat.  We have tried to teach our boys to do this with love and enthusiasm.  If your brother is playing a baseball game, if at all possible, you need to be there.  If your brother needs extra time with mom during school, you need to work independently and give mom and brother the extra time.  If you want to go somewhere and there isn’t enough money or the car is being used by someone else or you are needed to stay with your younger brothers, you  need to do that willingly realizing that it’s not all about you.

Living in a family is the perfect training ground for learning how to give of yourself.  Living in a large family lays that lesson down in super doses.  There is never enough space for your things.  There is never enough money for your wants.  There is never enough time for your pleasures.  There are always chores to be done.  Learning to give of yourself and share your things is an absolute necessity.  Hopefully, when the boys go out in the world and have families of their own, this lesson will help them be a selfless husband and father.

At the same time, there are times that it needs to be “about you”.  There are times that it is perfectly acceptable and honorable to say, “this is my time”.  Not selfishly or arrogantly but realizing that you have needs and obligations to fulfill that may require you to take time out for yourself.    Always giving and never taking deprives those around us from the pleasure of giving to us.  It may also cause a loved one to forget the lesson and begin to think, “It’s all about me.”

As with most things we have tried to teach our boys, this one involves respect.  Respect for others needs and wants as well as respect for your own needs and wants.  Finding the right balance and setting the proper priorities is the solution.  As with everything else in life, the Bible is our guide in this.  Jesus tells us to love God first with all our heart and then to love our neighbor as ourselves.  Not to love our neighbor instead of ourselves or to love our neighbor more than ourselves but to love our neighbor as ourselves.  We are important and must take care of our needs but remember that “it’s not all about you.”